XWing: Pilot's Party
by Foregiver-Sign
Summary: A birthday party for Wes Janson! I know they wouldn't all know each other at this age...but this is what I imagine it would be like if they did!!! A funny party, of course because it's held by the master of all humor, Wes Janson! (UPDATED)
1. The Tanaabian Home

Disclaimer: Note…I DO NOT own anything of Star Wars…nope. I love the X-Wing series, and continue to write fics about the pilots and their activities. I hope you hate disclaimers as much as I do =).

The pilots as little kids at a birthday party. I know they wouldn't have known each other by then, but…we can always wish can't we? It makes for a great humor fic nonetheless…I hope you enjoy!!!

At the home of Wes Janson on Taanab, everything was normal…which was of course chaos for the Janson household. Janson's mother was running around trying to get all the food ready for the guests. Janson's father was trying to get Wes to stop wailing. Wes was upset that they hadn't arranged for a clown for his 6th birthday party.

"WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" he cried at the top of his lungs, "I WANTED A CLOOOWWWWNNNN!!!" Janson's father tried hard to calm his son down, tugging at his shirt making it straight.

"Oh Wes, come on. What if the guests come in and they see you like this? What will they think? They'll think they have a crying barbarian for their friend," his father said, "and they'll want to go home and run away." Wes stopped wailing for a moment and stuck out his lip. That wasn't like Janson. The usually optimistic boy always had a smile on his face.

"No they won't, they're attracted by my charm and looks," he replied. His father choked out what sounded like a cough. Most of his guests were guys…with the exception of Mirax and Iella. That couldn't be a good thing. He coughed again trying to get the idea out of his head that his son was attracted to other guys. That wasn't possible. (If he was alive about 20 years after this, he would realize that it is indeed not true. He would find out that his son had many ideas about the opposite sex.)

"What's s'matter daddy? Do you have something in your throat?" Wes asked innocently.

"No, no…nothing. Go outside and wait in the living room for your guests alright?" his dad shoved him outside toward the stairs. Wes trodded down the stairs and landed at the bottom with a giant 'thump'.  He plodded over to the couch and threw himself on it. He started bouncing on a cushion when his mother came out holding a soufflé.

"Wes, stop jumping on the couch like that," she said.

"But it's fun mommy!"

"I know, but you can't do that…you don't look dignified," she replied.

"You can never look dignified when you're having fun," Janson muttered (a Janson quote from the books!)

"Maybe so, but at least try to act dignified for your birthday party. These are all your friends coming remember? This is a time to see them again…its been tough gathering them all in one place like this," his mother sighed. An alarm went off in the kitchen. "Oh! My cookies!" she exclaimed. She flew back into the kitchen to check the oven. Janson, hearing the magical word 'cookies' followed his mom toward the kitchen. His mom turned around before getting to the door. "Oh no you don't Wes, go back to the living room."

"Awwww….mom…" he complained.

"You'll get these soon enough. I forget how much a six-year old stomach wants every day. I'm putting you in charge of greeting the guests. GO!" she ordered. Janson reluctantly hauled his body back to the living room. He almost reached the couch when the doorbell rang.

"I'LL GET IT!!!" he shouted. He made a mad rush for the door. His father, coming down the stairs laughed to himself. There was something about little kids that always made them run everywhere…and they would only run, never walk. He rushed to the door so that no one else would have a chance to open it. He didn't know who would, it was only himself, and his wife, and Janson in the house at the moment. Janson reached up and turned the doorknob. The door swung open and Derek "Hobbie" Klivian stood in the doorway bearing a present and his parents stood by him. "HOBBIE!!!" Janson exclaimed.

"Hello Wes, happy birthday," Hobbie answered. He handed him the wrapped gift.

"Thanks Hobbie!!!" Janson exclaimed. He ran over and placed the gift on the table. Hobbie's parents said good-bye to him and left him at the door. He came in and closed it behind him.

"So…this is an interesting place you got here Wes," Hobbie said.

"Yeah! Do you like it? Come on, we gotta plan something 'fore Wedge gets here. I'm thinking a practical joke is good," Janson said.

"Pull a prank on Wedge? Heh…I don't know. He tends to hold these grudges…"

"Aw come on, he's already holding like 100 of them on me already, what's one more?" Janson asked. He had a dubious look on his face. Hobbie shrugged and followed Janson toward a closet. He opened it and pulled out a long black cape and a fake lightsaber. "I'm thinking I jump out at him with these when he comes. He's never been to fond of lightsabers!" Janson said with triumph. Hobbie snorted.

"Sure, I'll just tell you when he gets here. I'll signal you in," Hobbie said. He tried hard to keep a straight face. 

"Alright," Janson replied. They camped out by the door for the next few minutes. The moments were tense. The next doorbell almost made them hit the ceiling. Hobbie opened the door while Janson waited behind the couch. He heard a familiar voice.

"Hello Hobbie! Where's Janson, I thought this was his birthday…" a boy with brown hair asked. He looked curiously around the room.

"EWOK FOOD!!!" Hobbie shouted. That was the signal they had made up over the few tense moments of waiting. Leave it to first-graders to figure out the weirdest signals. (If you read the X-Wing Series, they become much better with making up signals and codes…much better…) Hearing Hobbie's signal, Janson leaped out behind the couch screaming like a banshee, waving the fake lightsaber around. Wedge shrieked and dived behind the couch reaching for a fake blaster, realizing he didn't have one. He turned to face is attacker who was rolling on the floor laughing his head off. Hobbie was slumped against the wall trying to control his laughter (if only they knew Wedge was going to be their commander later…). Wedge stood up and dusted himself off, trying to look as dignified as possible. From behind the door, Hobbie let out a sigh that showed he was trying to stop laughing.

"Wes Janson…I should've figured it would've been you. Have you and Hobbie been plotting against me?" Wedge asked. Janson, unable to stop giggling nodded vigorously. Janson's father shook his head in the background.

"I'm sorry about that Wedge…my son is feeling a little strange today."

"How can you tell the difference sir?" Wedge asked.

"You are good Wedge, real good. Come on, you can put your present here. We're waiting on several more guests." Wedge placed his present next to Hobbie's on the table and turned around to see Hobbie standing up. Just then the door flung open and Hobbie was smashed behind it.

"Ugh…" Hobbie groaned. Gavin and Tycho stepped into the house. They placed their presents on the table and they heard a sound from behind the door. Wedge cringed knowing that Hobbie was behind that door. Janson was staring wide-eyed.

"What? What'd we do?" Gavin asked.

"Someone get me the name of that Headhunter Z-95…" came a voice. Tycho turned around. 

"That sounded like it came from behind the door…" he said.

"That sounded like Hobbie…" Gavin added.

"Oh please tell me Hobbie wasn't behind that door…" Tycho said. Janson gave him a blank stare.

"I wish I could tell you differently Tych," Janson replied.

"Oh for crying out…of all the places to be…" Tycho gave an exasperated sigh. He went over to the door and shut it, revealing a rather dazed Hobbie Klivian.

"Oh Hobbie…" Gavin said.

"Sorry 'bout that Hobz…" Tycho said. He peeled Hobbie off the wall.

"Owwww…" Hobbie groaned. "Ah, Tycho…Gavin…when did you guys get here?"

"Just now," Gavin replied. "We didn't mean to nail you with the door," he added.

"Right, so we're just waiting for Garrik (Face…but he didn't have the scar back then), Iella, Mirax, and Winter then?" Janson's father asked. Janson nodded.

"Yup! I heard they were all coming in one car from a planetary division party…" Janson added. He heard a honking outside the door. "That's gotta be them." 


	2. Mayhem Strikes

            "WE'RE HERE!!!" they shouted. The girls piled out of the car and Garrik followed suit afterward. They girls burst through the door and Garrik followed afterward running right into Tycho.

"Oops…sorry about that Tycho," Garrik said. The car pulled away.

"Hello Garrik, long time no see. I'm sure you enjoyed that car ride," Janson said bubbling with excitement.

"Uh huh…sure, what ever you say. You try ride in a craft with three girls trying to sing to the latest pop CD, it's not a pretty thing," Garrik replied.

"Oh…I see…" Hobbie responded.

"Winter's never been able to carry a tune," Tycho said. Winter turned around. 

"I heard that Tycho Celchu!" she called back.

"Oops…" Tycho sighed. They all made it back into the house. Janson flopped on the couch and his mom came into the room bearing a basket full of cookies. He immediately propped himself up on the couch awaiting the wonderful smelling prize.

"Alright kids, here's some cookies to start you off with. I'm sure Janson will show you some courtesy while you're here."

"Moooooooooommmmm…" Janson groaned.

"We've got some fun and games afterward, so don't eat too much," Janson's dad said. The kids dug into the cookies. Hobbie and Tycho were sitting on the side talking and Wedge was bothering Janson's cat, Chocolate Chip. You could probably tell he was hungry when he was naming his kitten…but oh well, can you ever tell when Wes is hungry? Iella, Winter, and Mirax were busy talking in another corner which left Janson alone. He got an idea and went to the T.V. He stood on a chair and reached up above the set. He brought down a box full of figurines. He heard a cat screech and then Wedge came over to him.

"What'd you do to my cat?" Janson asked suspiciously, "don't act like you didn't do anything."

"I didn't. I just tried petting it, and then I saw your toy lightsaber on the ground so I reached for that to put it away and…" Janson put his hand up.

"Stop there. That's where it went all wrong, Choco Chip…she hates that thing," Janson said. He busied himself with trying to get the box down. He eventually pulled off the top having it clatter down to the floor. Wedge gave him an upturned eyebrow.

"What's that for?" he asked.

"It's my Starfighter Command toy figurines. It's got em' all. All types, X-Wings are my favorites. It's got A-Wings, B-Wings, and Y-Wings etc. I even gotz some TIE fighters and Interceptors to beat up on. Got some pilots in New Republic uniform too," Janson said proudly. He dumped the toys out on the floor. Hobbie and Tycho saw this and immediately stuffed their cookies down their throats and proceeded to join Janson and Wedge in the corner to play fighter pilots. Iella, Mirax, and Winter eventually made their way over to see what the boys were up to. The guys had already chosen their fighters of choice and had almost begun to start the battle when Mirax tapped Janson on the shoulder.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asked. 

"We're playing fighter pilots, but all the X-Wings are taken. You could be the control ship though," Janson said thoughtfully. Mirax smiled.

"That sounds like fun. I've always wanted to have control of a freighter. So what's my job?" Mirax asked.

"Well…first you gotta have a crew…" Tycho said, "it's impossible to man a freighter by yourself."

"Officers Iella and Winter reporting for duty," Iella and Winter said at the same time. They were giggling.

"Alright, alright…you guys can manage the freighter, leave the fighting to us," Janson said. They had a full staged battle going. Wedge and Tycho were one pair, while Janson and Hobbie were another. They were fighting and fooling around with ships until Janson's mother called them in for cake. "CCCAAAAKKKEEE!!!" Janson cried out. He dropped his X-Wing on the floor and made a mad dash for the kitchen.

"Squadron…this is Leader. I believe we've lost one of our pilots into deep space. We should play the anthem of death in his tribute," Wedge said solemnly. Hobbie was trying hard to keep his face straight. The others nodded. "To a wonderful pilot…whose stomach was bigger than his brain…"

"Hey, I heard that," Janson called from the kitchen. Hobbie snorted and they all ran in the kitchen to get some cake. They sat around the table and waited anxiously while Janson's mother cut the cake. She handed each of them a slice. Wedge could've sworn that Janson's was gone within five seconds. The others were still eating there's and Janson was getting himself another. Tycho was poking at his, Hobbie was eating all the frosting off his slice, Mirax was busily eating while talking with Iella and Winter, who too, were eating their cake. Wedge was eating his piece by piece….trying not to make a pig of himself like Janson was.

"So…utath afah biz?" Tycho asked with a mouthful of cake. He blushed, and then swallowed and asked again, "what's after this?" 

"We're gonna play lightsaber wars!!! And I got my mom to have a doll house and dolls if the girls don't wanna play lightsaber wars," Janson said.

"Lightsaber wars?" Garrik asked. He finished a last mouthful of cake and pushed his plate aside. "What's that?"

"You need to really stop acting like that Garrik…don't you know what lightsaber wars is?" Hobbie asked.

"It's only the best game in the galaxy!" Janson said exuberantly.

"In Wes' universe of course," Wedge added.

"That's right," Janson replied.

"Ah…so I see," Tycho said. Tycho pushed his half-eaten cake aside.

"Is everyone done?" Wedge asked. Everyone nodded.

"We've come to a conclusion. We would like to play lightsaber wars too…" Iella said.

"Alright…then we'll have to alter the game a little. We'll make it like a squadron!!!" Janson exclaimed.

"Yeah! We can name it the Cake Squadron!" Garrik exclaimed. He obviously liked the cake.

"Or the Frosting Squadron!" Hobbie shouted as they walked out of the kitchen back into the living room. Janson's father had brought their 'tools of war' out.

"I say we put Wedge in command of the squadron," Iella said. Everyone turned to look at her. "It DOES make the most sense…he has the most brains here, besides Tycho too," she added.

"I'm hurt," Janson said.

"Me too…I've got brains," Hobbie said.

"Me too, I just left them at home," Janson retorted.

"Er…Wes, you are at home," Mirax reminded him.

"Oh…that's right…we'll…we had a fight and I locked him in the closet on time-out," Janson replied. He nodded.

"Right…that's what you say…" Winter said. She turned and whispered in Mirax's ear, "So…what did the Gungans do with the REAL Wes Janson…I think the Wes had more brains than this."

"I heard that," Janson replied.

"So…" Wedge said. He was doing his best to stay out of this conversation. He didn't feel the urge to challenge Wes' sanity…or lack of it actually.

"Let me put it this way…" Winter said coolly, "if we have Janson in charge of our squadron…"

"We rename ourselves to the DOOMED squadron," Hobbie replied.

"Exactly."

"I'm hurt," Janson said. "Owwww," they all nodded.

"Well then, let's get this started. Janson, equipment. Tycho, get the blasters. Girls, you're our intelligence officers, very important people you know…they get all the information and help us plot our course," Wedge said. Mirax, Iella, and Winter nodded. Janson even had fake uniforms inside his box of stuff. Man, what his parents did to please the little kid. After Wedge, Tycho, Janson, and Hobbie put their New Republic orange flightsuits on, and the girls had their New Republic intelligence officer uniforms on, they proceeded to start their game play.


	3. Lightsaber Wars

A/N: The stuff in the () are usually my own thoughts…so ignore them if you want ^_^.

"This is Intelligence officer 9190 to Rouge Leader, you are coming across your landing area in roughly 30.9 seconds," Iella said to Wedge. They were sitting on the couch, which was acting as "Mission Control", which was also the supply ship. Mirax and Winter were pretending to do some work on data pads.

"Copy that 9190, alright Squeaky Squadron, we're going in," Wedge replied.

"Squeaky Squadron?!" Janson asked surprised.

"Yes Squeaky 3, that's right," Wedge replied.

"Squeaky Squadron…what kind of name is that?" Hobbie asked.

"It's something I thought of, I'll have you washing dishes for a week for insubordination Squeaky4," Wedge replied. Garrik was snickering over on the couch. Seeing there were an odd number of pilots, he volunteered to be the navigator. He was stationed on the supply vessel, _Girls Rule Boys Drool along with Iella, Mirax, and Winter._

"Squeaky Squadron does squeaky clean jobs!" Tycho exclaimed.

"You should make commercials for a living Squeaky 2," Wedge replied.

"But I do…I sing them to my dad every night before I go to bed, like all the ones I've heard before…like 'Bantha Milk, Bantha Milk it's good for you it'll make you as strong as an Elk!'" Tycho sang.

"I'm sorry I asked…" Wedge sighed.

"But…but…" Tycho stuttered.

"Squeakers…we're coming in on our dropping point. Lightsabers and blasters secured, S-foils locked, we're going in," Wedge said. They complied with orders and grounded their toy X-Wings. Then they jumped into the hallway and acted like they were infiltrating an Imperial base. They went scouring through the house to fight "evil beings". The girls and Garrik laid back and started eating the rest of the cookies. They were pretty much done until they got tired of terrorizing the people of the household.

"Leader, I spot a heat marking on radar 0204 sector 5. Let's investigate," Hobbie said. They moved in on poor Chocolate Chip who was sitting in the doorway to Janson's room cleaning her fur. Poor thing…she didn't expect a thing.

"I'm coming in on it, requesting back up procedures if necessary," Tycho said. He flicked out his lightsaber and took out his plastic blaster and charged at the cat screaming at the top of his lungs. He was waving the lightsaber around and pretending to fire the blaster. "IIIIIIMMMMPPPEEERRRIIIAAALLL FOOOOOLLLL!!!!" he shouted. He charged down the hall screaming like a banshee. The cat screeched and scampered into the bathroom. Tycho, as all little boys are, stopped at the bathroom door. He was terrified of the bathroom. It meant "bath".

"What's wrong Squeaky Two?" Janson asked.

"The Imperial soldier sneaked off into the room full of bugged mines," Tycho replied (ah, so that's what little boys think of the bathroom…a rigged minefield waiting to go off…)

"That's okay, we'll head him off in another direction when he comes out. We'll have to go after their main control room now. They began their advance toward the kitchen (ha…the kitchen the main control room? That's how we all think…food…good)

"There's someone down the hall in the main room on a communication line (i.e. the telephone…DUH ^_^). We should intercept. They could be calling for reinforcements!" Janson exclaimed.

"Right Three, we'll go for it then. There are two entrances to the main room…Tycho and I will take the other route, you take this one. When you've reached the position, wait for 30 seconds then shout "WES JANSON LOST HIS BRAIN BEFORE HE WAS BORN" at the top of your lungs then charge at the enemy," Wedge replied.

"Alright!!! Plan…hey wait a second…WEEEEDDGGEEE!!!" Janson shouted at the top of his lungs. Being a little slow, he didn't quite catch the insult.

"Come on, let's go Tycho. We can't stay here forever, we'll be discovered," Wedge said. They took off down the hallway.

"Grrrrrrrrrr…one day Wedge…one day," Janson groaned. They took their places at the edge of the door to the main room where the "imperial agent" was making a communications call.


End file.
